Brad Grein, 50

Content warning: suicide

I worked as a CNC machinist for most of my life. Along the way I struggled with depression and addiction. It started mostly with alcohol, but once I was on the street, meth became like a cup of coffee in the morning to me. I’ve been off it for a few years now, but at that time I just didn’t care. I needed something to make me feel better. It was self-medicating.

I got housing through the SAFER program, which provided me a hotel room until I got in a better position.

I ended up homeless when my family situation broke down. My mom died by suicide, and all of us in the house started going through addiction problems. My sister ended up committed to the mental health facility in Pueblo.

I wanted to spend more time fishing to take my mind off things, but nobody could ever go with me. I would just sit home watching TV and drinking and doing meth.

One night my brother got really rough with his stepchild. I pushed him away from the kid, and he said I had to move out. That night I had enough meth on me I thought it would kill me, but a voice in my head told me to put it down.

I left him a message that I loved him and I wanted us to get help together, then I went to Porter Hospital to come down from the meth. It was about that time I heard he died by suicide.

Six months later my dad died. I couldn’t deal with it all anymore. I just drowned the pain with alcohol and drugs. By then I was the only one left to pay rent on a $2,000 a month townhome. I couldn’t do it. I wound up on the streets.

I was just trying to survive and get by however I could. I tried scrapping – it’s dirty, difficult work. One time me and another guy spent days collecting 350 pounds of aluminum, and we were trying to drag it to a scrapyard on Oxford. We were down by Southwest Plaza when a bus driver let us bring it all on board. After all that, we made $220, and split it in half. $110 wasn’t a lot of money for days of exhausting, filthy work.

I started going to Movement 5280 and the Life Center in Littleton. They helped me a lot. I’m on Vivitrol now, which helps suppress the cravings for alcohol and meth.

5280 got me into the SAFER program, which placed me in transitional housing. Having my own space is so important. Living on the streets, or shelters, or even just sleeping on people’s couches, you’re constantly dealing with other people’s issues and attitudes. You have to fight for everything.

I’m working toward getting my own long-term apartment. It takes a while.

Life is a gift, but don’t play with it too hard or it’ll break. I’m just trying to feel like a normal person again. When you’re on the streets, carrying a big backpack and you haven’t bathed in ages, people move away. They cross the street. They look at me like I’m a disease or a parasite. I’m not a “homeless guy.” I’m a human being.

I’m grateful for the chances I’m being given, and for the people who are giving them to me.